Collective Amnesia

I want to get excited for the Canucks this season. I really, really do.

A shiny new coach with a shiny new moustache! A shiny new GM with shiny hockey hair and a laugh straight outta a Mike Judge cartoon! A shiny new Vrbata!

But even in the midst of my delirious rosterbating, I can’t help but vaguely remember how excited I felt last October. You know before the team completely collapsed to the bottom of the league standings. I was pretty sure other people were excited too. So I’ve decided a little trip in the RHETORICAL TIME MACHINE (which is totally my favourite time machine, because paradoxes can always be defeated by straw-men and you don’t 2.21 gigawatts of electricity to get back to your slacker existence) is in order. I think you’ll find the following might ring a few bells.

*Cool, really expensive time travel effect*

It’s October 2013, The Canucks have won two games in inspiring fashion against the Edmonton Oilers and the Calgary Flames. They have a new coach and a new system. The pall of the previous year has lifted and they’re poised for a massive bounce-back season. writes up their latest victory versus the Oilers:


“The Vancouver Canucks’ top-line twins Daniel and Henrik Sedin have always enjoyed playing against the Edmonton Oilers.

In new coach John Tortorella’s system, it’s even more fun.

“This is more fun for us getting more offensive chances for sure,” Henrik said.

Well, Henrik, you were partially right. You did get more chances. More chances to break a foot blocking shots! More chances to dump and chase into the trapezoid tarpit! More chances to get your head run through the glass while eating a puck along the wall for an entire shift in your own zone!

I mean, that article could have been published yesterday, right? Now don’t get me wrong, I think Willie Dejardins is going to be a hell of a better coach for this team than Tortorella was. But really, let’s be honest. It’s still October and we still know jack shit about how this team is going to do. The Canucks looked great last week while crushing the Flames, just like they did last year against the Oilers. They seemed resilient on Saturday while mounting a comeback against Edmonton, just like they did twelve months ago versus Calgary.

Well, at least the Sedins are back, right? Four points in two games! I mean just look at Henrik’s terrible boxcars from last October!

Screen Shot 2014-10-14 at 3.06.38 PM


Okay, so at least we can say the following:

A) Alberta teams are awful and no victory against them should ever be used as a litmus test for anything.


B) The 2014-2015 Vancouver Canucks WILL be (i) better than the Calgary Flames AND (ii) worse than the Chicago Blackhawks.

While we wait for the fulfillment of these projections, l’ll just get back to wondering whether Bo Horvat is gonna win us eight or nine Cups before taking his place in the Hall.

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